Out of the Void…..


……Into the Black.

Inspirations been lacking lately. I’ve been so busy trying to build my future that I feel like I’ve let my creativity down.

My single minded determination to better my life through the pursuit of basic things like work, money and stability has become so time consuming and demanding I feel like I’ve let my creativity rot.

Not just that but my personal life is also suffering. It eats me up to not be able to do the things I want because of a lack of funds. Maybe it’s the hunter gatherer in me. The need to provide and protect. In my current situation if I wanted to do anything fun like go out… or play poker it would be impossible. No funds.

It gets worse… I met someone. She’s amazing. Fun caring. Amazingly attractive.  The only downside is me. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel good enough for her right now, maybe it’s the old fashioned man that wants to treat her to things. Not to buy affection but because I can and she deserves nice things. Like good food and drink. Trips to nice places. You know the romantic things. But then again it comes from both sides. I pulled away… it’s my pride I guess.

This is where it all becomes a bit of a mess. My personal life and my financing don’t match its affecting everything. My creativity is suffering. My dating life is just awkward and I can’t do anything but keep my head down and try harder to find work. It’s a vicious circle.

I usually have a positive or funny message at the end of my posts…. This time I have no idea how to spin it.

I don’t feel as bad as I did in my last post. I know i was at the bottom then. I knew things could only get better but its still black.

Things are darkest before the dawn I suppose.

Advertisements

One response to “Out of the Void…..

  1. Thank you for that post. It’s heartbreaking. I’d tell her your situation and that’s why you’ve backed off. But that’s just me. I am also unemployed and have been for almost two years. I put myself into my writing, and any other crazy idea I could come up with to earn money. I finally got hired to teach at a college, so we’ll see how that goes since I’ve been told the adults in my lower level class can be as violent as my high school students were.
    Anyway, just hang in there. I believe just around the corner, out of nowhere, change will come. It always does. Things always get better.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s