Isn’t It Funny..


I finally realised it today, I finally saw movies for what they are… The opportunity to rub our noses in the fantasy we want consciously or sub consciously for our selves.

Take the Inbetweeners Movie for example… Heres the plot.

SPOILER ALERT>>> STOP READING NOW IF YOUR ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO HATE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE IT DOES>>>>

Four Friends Each with a different insecurity.. aged around 19 to 21 go away on holiday to drink and have sex. Each have relatively no experience with women. By the middle of the movie even if you havent seen the tv series that came before this you’re praying for something to go their way. By the end of the movie.. if your anything like me you’re going to be wishing you was one of the four male leads.

The film uses four guys to talk to all of our own insecurities, blows them out of proportion and make me feel worse.

Great… It’s all good… But now the movies finished I find myself sitting here wondering why I’m single….

And I was doing so well burying my neurosis under keeping busy by working.

Still Its a great film…

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Window Shopping…


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I’ve always been told it’s rude to stop and stare. But we do it all the time.

Have you ever been to Westfield’s shopping centre? Or any other oversized super mall/shopping centre?

I have a theory.

So these places are built like giant adverts. Everything inside them is designed to look good. To feel good. To make your mind tell you something’s attractive or you need to have it. The lighting makes things glow. The floors walls and shop doors all look cool and fashionable, shiny and new. Even 90% of the staff in the shops looks great.

But the Effects are not just limited to the Staff, displays and ascetics. They transfer to the everyday people.

I took a walk through this abnormal area of mass disillusion and aw recently. My first trip to Westfield’s. I realised that in this place every 3rd woman was attractive. It was like the local area had created some sort of magnetic pull and women of all shapes and sizes were drawn to this building that offered dreams and lifestyles on credit and morphed them into more things you just have to have.

And more than once I caught myself stopping to stare.

I didn’t mean to be rude.

It’s very rare to see a woman i find attractive wearing a marvel T-shirt. I wonder if she knew geek was my kryptonite. Maybe it was the combination of that and tight jeans.

Out of the Void…..


……Into the Black.

Inspirations been lacking lately. I’ve been so busy trying to build my future that I feel like I’ve let my creativity down.

My single minded determination to better my life through the pursuit of basic things like work, money and stability has become so time consuming and demanding I feel like I’ve let my creativity rot.

Not just that but my personal life is also suffering. It eats me up to not be able to do the things I want because of a lack of funds. Maybe it’s the hunter gatherer in me. The need to provide and protect. In my current situation if I wanted to do anything fun like go out… or play poker it would be impossible. No funds.

It gets worse… I met someone. She’s amazing. Fun caring. Amazingly attractive.  The only downside is me. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel good enough for her right now, maybe it’s the old fashioned man that wants to treat her to things. Not to buy affection but because I can and she deserves nice things. Like good food and drink. Trips to nice places. You know the romantic things. But then again it comes from both sides. I pulled away… it’s my pride I guess.

This is where it all becomes a bit of a mess. My personal life and my financing don’t match its affecting everything. My creativity is suffering. My dating life is just awkward and I can’t do anything but keep my head down and try harder to find work. It’s a vicious circle.

I usually have a positive or funny message at the end of my posts…. This time I have no idea how to spin it.

I don’t feel as bad as I did in my last post. I know i was at the bottom then. I knew things could only get better but its still black.

Things are darkest before the dawn I suppose.

The Dating Game (The First Date)


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The first date has always been a stressful thing if you like someone. Think about it… It’s a date… In my opinion you don’t call it a date unless you like someone, so a first date is all about making sure you put your best foot forward, give the best possible impression and let her (or him depending on your taste) know how cool and appealing you are.

It’s like a job interview that works both ways. You’re testing the water to see if you want to know more about them.

I once had a first date I didn’t even know was a date until she told me. That took me by surprise. I mean it was silly of me to assume anything in the first place but it was so last minuet I figured it was a quick drink just to say hello.

Maybe I should explain…

So as you know I’m a member of an on-line dating website. It’s interesting to say the least. I’ve spoken to all types of women. Now my profile has something on it that i hope attracts women with a little more personality. A challenge if you will. Nothing smart assed just a simple line that says “You should message me if: You’re not afraid to drop a message to me and see if we click. I like people with guts/courage.”

That’s exactly what she did.

Let us call her Missy simply because she is the type of girl who likes to play stubborn sometimes (it’s actually quite attractive simple because she has a little look that says “Don’t F**K with me” but a gleam in her eyes that says “Challenge me I dare you”)

Missy’s profile was quite short. (The type of profile that I hate) There was nothing really to go on apart from the fact that she was just exploring on line dating for the first time and she had no idea what she wanted to write. There was nothing to build a conversation around. But she took the time to message me and I was curious because she seemed quite funny.

As we continued to talk and the picture I got of her began to grow I found myself looking forward to Missy’s next message. She worked about 20 minutes away from me and lived even closer. Her passion was technology but yet her pictures made her look like the type of woman who wouldn’t give me a second look. You’ve seen her before, attractive and stylish with a mix of sexy that usually when out and about I would class as out of my league. Then one Friday night it happened. She was finishing work and wondered if I wanted to meet up for a quick drink.

Now let me just say I was shocked. Not only had she messaged me first but now she was asking me out for a drink. SHE ASKED ME! I mean I WAS going to ask her. I was thinking about at least seeing if she wanted to exchange numbers first. You know… Just to test the waters, the safe way to see if Missy was interested in talking on the phone before I asked her out.

I arrived at our meeting place with time to spare. I wasn’t nervous. I was curious more than anything. I figured I had time to spare and I could get my thoughts in order. I was wrong. As soon as I had arrived and removed my head phones Missy was standing in front of me. She looked so much more attractive in person than her profile picture and I wasn’t ready for that. Nerves started to get the better of me and I admit it, this meeting had me at a loss for words. This never happens.

We walked and talked for a while before arriving at a pub about 15mins away. I had mixed first impressions of this woman. Her accent wasn’t as bad as she had once made out but I could see why she thought people might have issues understanding her. It had nothing to do with the accent or what she said in my opinion. More likely is that men probably got distracted by her other features and just don’t pay attention. (I’m referring to Missy’s well-proportioned chest, legs and backside, or simply her full lips that look so enticing. See… I’m getting distracted just thinking about them) It was how opinionated she was that caught me off guard. I loved it. She wasn’t afraid to say what she thought, disagree if she thought I was wrong or simply correct me. It was so refreshing after dealing with all the yes women in my life. Missy was a triple threat, Smart, sexy and Attractive.

During the time at the bar we talked about so much I won’t sit and list what we went through but it was at that point she dropped the dreaded D word… you know… Date… Again I was caught off guard. I had thought this was a quick meeting to suss each other out. Find out if we really did like each other and if there was any point continuing to talk. My nerves got the better of me and I must have rambled something incoherent. Missy just took it in her stride and we moved the conversation on.

After drinks we took another walk, this time down to our local canal which after 8 months of living in London Missy hadn’t seen yet. We had purchased more drinks and decided to take a seat at a spot that seemed peaceful and ideal for talking. Our conversation brushed on our lives, family and where we want to go with our futures. It felt natural to me. By the time we got cold and decided to start walking home I was determined to see what it was like to kiss her.  I wasn’t going to let her get in there first. It was the only way I could let her know I was interested short of confessing my interest like some sort of shy dopey movie hero. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t a huge film style gesture, but it was our first kiss. It was a simple hasty yank into my arms fuelled by nerves and curiosity type of kiss.

The Missy accidental first date incident didn’t turn out how I thought first dates were meant to be. It was far better. It was real and it was personal. I think that’s because I wasn’t worried about how a man should act on a first date. I wasn’t worried about making a lasting impression of a date to beat all dates or wooing this woman into my bed. (Don’t get me wrong, I would have totally enjoyed a weekend of nothing but sex, food and films with Missy)

To me it was a brief meeting of two people exploring each other’s potential and getting to know one another. An opportunity to find out if there was chemistry you can’t feel on-line and decide if we wanted to date that turned into a first Date.

And The Winner Is…


Obviously Never You……

You know that feeling when you invest you time and effort into something and it turns out it was in vain. That moment when you know the response you’re about to hear isn’t the one you worked so hard for.

The feeling you get as you wait for the answer your stomach is twisted, your body feel tired from all the effort sort of relieved the waiting is coming to an end.  You are willing with all your heart and soul that things go your way.

Yeah that.

But they don’t.

The answers no… There are so many ways in our language to say “No”

Job interviews have the most impersonal lines.

“Thank you for your time we just feel there’s no space in our organisation for you at this point.”

That’s great.. but what was wrong with us for you not to have a place for us… if you told us we could work on it and become stronger in the future.

Or how about the brush off.

“We have your details we will contact you soon.”

No you won’t, just let us know we wasn’t successful and we can move on.

It’s not just jobs that give us the indirect “No”… recognise these?

“Sorry I have a boy friend…”

“Yeah Right!” (always a harsh one)

And My personal favourite and most experienced brush off.

“You’re such a great friend I wouldn’t want to ruin that.”

Personally I prefer the straight…

“You seem nice but your just not my type.”

The funny thing is no matter how the “no” is delivered you end up with that same disappointing feeling, the more you want it the worse it feels.

But believe me it serves a purpose…

That one time out of what feels like 100…. That one time she smiles and says she’d love to go out or she’d love a drink.

That one time when you actually build up the guts to talk to her and you hit it off……

That one time when you spend 3 weeks working on your interview presentation and they are so impressed by your work that they hire you on the spot.

They leave you on such a high that you end up forgetting about your past disappointments.

I’m still working through the disappointments looking for my high……

Sexy Saturday


 

So I keep reading about sexy Saturday here… and I’ve been asked to get my picture up……

I’m not sure I have any sexy pictures that qualify… But I’ll do one of these posts Just this once.

Women say that there is nothing They like more than a guy in a suit.

I introduce to you the Bee’s Sexy Saturday series of photos.

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Feel free to comment. Let me know what you think. What do you find sexy when it comes to men?

Days like today…


They’re one in 365….

I have to admit the day started off bad…. I woke up to the realisation I had no job… I was back on unemployment and if things carried on like this I may not be able to go to uni in September.  I’m 26, Single, living in a situation that makes me unhappy and a real lack of close friends.

On the friends thing I have either offended or have just grown away from me. I’m not sure which it is to be honest, both seem plausible possibilities to me right now.

So I guess I felt sorry for myself. Well wouldn’t you?

So I got myself together and left the house. I wasn’t going to sit around and let myself feel like the bottom of the barrel all day. I was going to do something about it.

First stop Job centre. I’m poor right now. No bus pass, no money. The food i get is on tab from a local shop. So I walk. I put my headphones on, pack my C.V. in my bag and head off in the direction of that black hole, source of malaise and all around disturbing place.

I really don’t know what happened in that thirty minuet journey. It might have been the sunshine, it might have been the Incubus songs (switch-blade is my favourite right now click the name for the song.),  it simply could have been the fresh air whatever it was my mood lightened and I came up with this equation.

Life will get better. All I need is:

(Job/Time + Saving)= Uni
(Uni/Learning+New Friends/Experiences) / Future plans =  Hopeful

Made me smile

Now I don’t feel as bad. It will all happen. I just got to keep focused and busy.

Happy now…. I have a plan.