……Into the Black.
Inspirations been lacking lately. I’ve been so busy trying to build my future that I feel like I’ve let my creativity down.
My single minded determination to better my life through the pursuit of basic things like work, money and stability has become so time consuming and demanding I feel like I’ve let my creativity rot.
Not just that but my personal life is also suffering. It eats me up to not be able to do the things I want because of a lack of funds. Maybe it’s the hunter gatherer in me. The need to provide and protect. In my current situation if I wanted to do anything fun like go out… or play poker it would be impossible. No funds.
It gets worse… I met someone. She’s amazing. Fun caring. Amazingly attractive. The only downside is me. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel good enough for her right now, maybe it’s the old fashioned man that wants to treat her to things. Not to buy affection but because I can and she deserves nice things. Like good food and drink. Trips to nice places. You know the romantic things. But then again it comes from both sides. I pulled away… it’s my pride I guess.
This is where it all becomes a bit of a mess. My personal life and my financing don’t match its affecting everything. My creativity is suffering. My dating life is just awkward and I can’t do anything but keep my head down and try harder to find work. It’s a vicious circle.
I usually have a positive or funny message at the end of my posts…. This time I have no idea how to spin it.
I don’t feel as bad as I did in my last post. I know i was at the bottom then. I knew things could only get better but its still black.
Things are darkest before the dawn I suppose.