Its funny, We spend what feels like a huge amount time looking for meaningful relationships but an equal part sabotaging them. I’m not even talking about relationships. just basic friendships. because lets face it if we can sustain them what hope do we have of having real sexual relations.
That thought occurred to me today when coming home on the bus. I was thinking about the last time I actually enjoyed the company of a good friend.
Silly things tend to get between us like Money, Gossip and jealousy.
I really don’t want to sit here and preach but was it really worth end. I mean all that time you spent with them must have been for a reason. is it really something you can’t talk about and sort out.
You only really end up more alone and troubled without them.
I have to admit the day started off bad…. I woke up to the realisation I had no job… I was back on unemployment and if things carried on like this I may not be able to go to uni in September. I’m 26, Single, living in a situation that makes me unhappy and a real lack of close friends.
On the friends thing I have either offended or have just grown away from me. I’m not sure which it is to be honest, both seem plausible possibilities to me right now.
So I guess I felt sorry for myself. Well wouldn’t you?
So I got myself together and left the house. I wasn’t going to sit around and let myself feel like the bottom of the barrel all day. I was going to do something about it.
First stop Job centre. I’m poor right now. No bus pass, no money. The food i get is on tab from a local shop. So I walk. I put my headphones on, pack my C.V. in my bag and head off in the direction of that black hole, source of malaise and all around disturbing place.
I really don’t know what happened in that thirty minuet journey. It might have been the sunshine, it might have been the Incubus songs (switch-blade is my favourite right now click the name for the song.), it simply could have been the fresh air whatever it was my mood lightened and I came up with this equation.