Its been a while…


I didn’t run away… I didnt forget… There has been a lot going on…

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So i got a job. Make that three. I find myself working away and building the life style i want. Things are moving along nicely. My calender is becoming fuller and my options more limited but its a nice feeling. I feel whole again. I no longer feel usless and i have gained a new perspective.

Welcome to the working class.

The Void….


No one wants to read about depressing issues but I hope by writing this down and letting it out I’ll feel better.

This is therapy and you are my therapists. Mute blank faces I don’t have to worry about feeding me bullshit like “Don’t Give Up” and “Stay positive”.

Those are the words of people making themselves feel better by saying what they think they should. I’m not suicidal. I’m not mentally ill. You don’t need to worry about guilt from not having done anything for me. It’s not like that. I promise.
It’s just…..

I have this sinking feeling inside my chest. I have this strange dark rotten feeling because I don’t know how I’m going to get through this part of my life.

I’ve tried keeping myself occupied with hobbies, looking for things to do that involve other people, making the most of my time when I’m not Job hunting so I don’t feel like this, but it creeps up on me.

I try and stay positive but… It’s a weight. A Chain that wraps around my chest and makes it hard to breath. A black Hole that sucks anything good away from my mind.

Bruce Lee once said “What you habitually think largely determines what you will ultimately become.”  That scares me I don’t want to become a failure.

Believe me I’m trying to stay positive But I have no job. With no job I can not pay for uni next September. I have no credit to get a loan. I’m stuck living in a place where I spend my time alone because the people around me are worse than being alone. What little money I do get goes on food. I cant afford to go out with my friends and when I do go out with them (Very rarely now) I feel like a mooch (beggar) because I have no money to do what they do. I have Debt again. Not much but enough to make me feel worse. It doesn’t help that the past three times I’ve thought I had a new job something has happened to change the situation. They’ve found someone else or the vacancy has been cancelled due to budget cuts.

I suppose I should look at the positives right now. I have a roof over my head. I have my health…. Damn it that’s about it.

It can only get better I know. But i don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Even Mcdonalds turned me down.

But its ok… All I have to do is “Stay Positive”

The next person who wants to say that STOP… Think for a second. Wouldn’t it be far more helpful to see if that friend of yours can get me a job. I assure you I’m one of the hardest working people you’ll ever meet.

I’m not going to tempt fate too much.. But it can’t get much worse than this.

CAN IT????

Motivation..


Today has been a slow day…

It’s nice to do nothing for a while. It’s nice to lay back and relax. It’s nice to ignore your phone and prioritise nothing but your own gluttony and whims.

But I feel like I’m cheating. I’m still hunting for work. I’m still stuck in this place called limbo. I’m doing every thing I can to find work but still no luck.

On the plus side it’s time for a new suit. The best way to boost your moral is to treat yourself. So last week I went shopping. Normally I hate clothes shopping. I’m terrible at it. I’m not ashamed to say when ever I go clothes shopping I seek out a female attendant and ask her what would suit me. I see it like this.

People feel good when they look attractive and since I find it hard to keep up with what looks good why not ask for a females perspective. Who else to tell you what makes you look good than a member of the opposite sex.

I look good, I feel good. I feel Good people want to hire me because I make them feel good and give off a positive impression. Its a positive circle.

I can’t wait till I get my new suit. It will be ready to pick up on Wednesday.

SUIT UP!!